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Восемь "олимпийских видов спорта", в которых египтяне всегда выигрывают (eng)

With the Olympics currently underway in Rio, nations around the world are looking forward to have heroes of their own; athletes their children can look up to; someone who can be the Michael Jordan to their inner city kids while peddling shoes to their suburban youngsters; someone who can make their corporations millions in endorsement deals! And Egypt is no different, but with rampant malnutrition and obesity, our chances are slim to say the least. If only the Olympic games were better suited to our national set of skills…

Balancing Objects on Top of One’s Head While Dodging Vehicles Driven by Borderline Homicidal Microbus Drivers Coming at You at Muzzle Velocity
Daily Travel Photos
 

You’re probably wondering if we juggle oranges in the process too. We don't. But never say never, we may wake up one day to find our national sense of self preservation gone.

Bullshitting One’s Way Through Any Conversation (Ta7weer weh Fatty)

We don’t care for factual exactitude; we run our broca’s area like it’s a tabloid magazine – a top selling one.

Bad Jokes (Alsh)

Yeah, sure, we Egyptians can tell a joke, but so do Americans. Bad jokes are where we can really best the gringos.

Gorging Ourselves Like It’s Judgment Day

Leave it to us Egyptians to wipe your wedding buffet clean. Sure, Greeks and Italians have a knack for gluttony too and they’d certainly give us a run for money, but we would eventually emerge victorious.

Fitting People in or on Moving Vehicles

Getty Images

 

An Egyptian never rides anywhere alone, be it on the bus or the subway; we like to get crammed together and rub against each other until our sweat smells identical.

Empty Offers (3ozoumat Marakbeya)
 

We just like to project generosity we can’t afford. Don’t ask.

Erectile Dysfunction

A recent study has shown that 64% of Egyptian men have a [hard] time satisfying their sexual partners; that’s 58,880,000 limp noodle gold medalists.

Dodging Things

The average Egyptian spends about 99.999999% of their life dodging water trickling down from outdoor units of air conditioners and potholes. And you know what they say, practice makes perfect. 
 

Main image courtesy of Daily Travel Photos.

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